Kids and Change
A sense of familiarity is important in a child's life. How many times have you been asked to read that exact same bedtime story every night? And beware if you leave anything out, or make any improvisations along the way, it will certainly be noticed! Change can be unsettling for a child. So, how can you best assist your children when they are expected to deal with any small, or major adjustments in their lives?
Prepare them in time
The unknown can often be more frightening to children than change itself. Parents tend to protect children from the reality of the situation and don't tell them what is happening until the last minute. Although this is well intended, it could result in the child being overwhelmed when the change all happens too quickly. Just like adults, children need some time to process what is involved and how it is going to affect them. Of course, the ideal timing is more of an art than a science that's the challenge of parenting!
Put yourself in their shoes
Try to look at the meaning of the change from a child's perspective. Children don't always understand the reasons for the changes or how it will impact on their lives. It is important to get down to their level when describing or explaining the event; it might even be preferable to draw a picture or even tell it in a story.
Make it feel normal
Treat the change as something quite normal and not extraordinary (even if it is a big event). If you make a fuss over it, your child is sure to sense your feelings of anxiety. Talk to them as much as possible so the big event doesn't come as an unexpected surprise.
Respect their feelings
Be empathetic and understanding regarding your child's reactions to the changes happening in their lives. Remember, feelings are neither right nor wrong. If your child is angry or upset, try to acknowledge these emotions as a valid and acceptable response to this event. It gives them permission to express these feelings knowing they are understood and loved through every situation.
Be open and honest
When discussing change with children, discuss both the pros and cons. If your child is reacting quite negatively, try to redirect them to the benefits of the change. On the other hand, be careful of sugar-coating the event too much so that they feel deceived when it finally happens differently. Children are smart, they can see through the pretence more than we realise and you don't want to lose their trust.
Change can make us all feel insecure and helpless but it isn't something you should shelter your children from as it's an unavoidable fact of life. You also don't have to deal with it all alone, ask for assistance from the other role-players in your child's life teachers, extended family members or a psychologist. If you deal with changes in the right way, your children will be prepared for the inevitable transitions they will experience throughout their lives.
http://www.whatsfordinner.co.za/article/394
Prepare them in time
The unknown can often be more frightening to children than change itself. Parents tend to protect children from the reality of the situation and don't tell them what is happening until the last minute. Although this is well intended, it could result in the child being overwhelmed when the change all happens too quickly. Just like adults, children need some time to process what is involved and how it is going to affect them. Of course, the ideal timing is more of an art than a science that's the challenge of parenting!
Put yourself in their shoes
Try to look at the meaning of the change from a child's perspective. Children don't always understand the reasons for the changes or how it will impact on their lives. It is important to get down to their level when describing or explaining the event; it might even be preferable to draw a picture or even tell it in a story.
Make it feel normal
Treat the change as something quite normal and not extraordinary (even if it is a big event). If you make a fuss over it, your child is sure to sense your feelings of anxiety. Talk to them as much as possible so the big event doesn't come as an unexpected surprise.
Respect their feelings
Be empathetic and understanding regarding your child's reactions to the changes happening in their lives. Remember, feelings are neither right nor wrong. If your child is angry or upset, try to acknowledge these emotions as a valid and acceptable response to this event. It gives them permission to express these feelings knowing they are understood and loved through every situation.
Be open and honest
When discussing change with children, discuss both the pros and cons. If your child is reacting quite negatively, try to redirect them to the benefits of the change. On the other hand, be careful of sugar-coating the event too much so that they feel deceived when it finally happens differently. Children are smart, they can see through the pretence more than we realise and you don't want to lose their trust.
Change can make us all feel insecure and helpless but it isn't something you should shelter your children from as it's an unavoidable fact of life. You also don't have to deal with it all alone, ask for assistance from the other role-players in your child's life teachers, extended family members or a psychologist. If you deal with changes in the right way, your children will be prepared for the inevitable transitions they will experience throughout their lives.
http://www.whatsfordinner.co.za/article/394